(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.
District Superintendent
Far Right Oklahoma District
Church of the Nasterine
"Panhandling our hardest for
Christ."
Allow me to extend my
warmest salutations and introduce myself to you as your newest DS on the Far
Right District, and I must say, I commend you on your recent name change from
the "Far Left" District, even though you find yourself geographically
located in Oklahoma's panhandle. Far better for the people to potentially be confused
about our geographical location than for there to be any possibility that they
might think we're liberals. After all, isn't that why God made maps?
My wife Truella and I
are pleased as punch to be joining you on this district, which boasts 39
churches and in excess of 120 members! I'll begin by sharing with you a little
bit about my background. In the past 13 years I've pastored 22 churches,
brought in over 3,000 new members (12 of which were new Christians), and done
great and marvelous things to further the ministry of the kingdom. The latest
exciting development in my life was that I was awarded an honorary doctorate in
Geology for my work in advancing the teaching of Young Earth Creationism,
convincing four different Oklahoma school districts to abolish the teaching of
evolution, chemistry, and any mention of the metric system.
Truella (or Truly, as
she is more affectionately known) was born Truella Brassiere,
great-great-great-great-great-great grandniece (twice-removed) of Philemon F.
Brassiere, the cornerstone of our glorious denomination. She comes from a long
line of pastor's daughters and wives (and one odd great-aunt who actually felt
called to be a minister herself), and
is a wonderful organizer of women's events, quilting bees, and luncheons full
of long and detailed prayer requests for poor, unfortunate sinners. Ever since
attending Bethel Nasterine University and finishing in two and a half years
with her MRS degree, she's been a wonderful pastor's wife and mother to our
three sons and five daughters.
Our oldest son, John
III, is pastoring a Nasterine Church in Minnesota, our two oldest daughters,
Truellest and Trueller, are at Bethel Nasterine University working on their MRS
degrees (with an REV focus), and our youngest son, John IV, has just recently
felt the stirrings of a call to vocational ministry at the tender age of only
3. Truly has, I'm sure, told me what's been going on with the other four
children lately, but I seem to have forgotten. Oh, well.
On to some news on the
district: welcome to our newest pastors on the district, Ned & Shirley Swizzlestick,
who have finally been accepted by the Burns Flat Church after the extreme vetting
process revealed that Liberal was the town they moved from in Kansas and not a
description of their character. We are still looking for pastors for our
churches in Texhoma, Catesby, Delhi, Laverne, Sweetwater, Beaver, Freedom,
Lookout, Strong City, and Balko, which has been an especially difficult church
to fill due to protests from the local pastor of the Apostolic Faith Church on
the grounds that our church has far too much enjoying of life and far too
little guilt. Congratulations to the Buffalo, Floris, Eva, Turpin, Hardesty, Felt,
Wheeless, Griggs, and Tyrone churches for meeting their budgets this year and bringing in a combined total of 70
new members, one and a half of which were new
Christians! Hopefully the rest of you can try a little harder…
If there is anything
Truly or myself can do to take care of our churches, please don’t hesitate to
let us know. We’ll be stopping by all the churches at least once soon, churches
we like more than once, and churches we’re worried about on a monthly basis. I’m
always available during office hours (10am-12pm, Wednesday and Thursday), but
usually on the golf course, or, on particularly nice or warm days, lounging by
my pool in a speedo.
Peace and Blessings,
Rock Doc T.
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