Maundy Thursday and Ash Wednesday Ain't Got Nothing on Black Friday

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

As I’ve finished devouring turkey and ham and prepare to wade into the sea of the unwashed masses to knock my fellow man’s teeth out for cheap electronics, I wanted to share with you all the things I’m thankful for this year:

1. The GOP
2. My wonderful wife Truella
3. 6 of my 8 lovely children
4. 27 of our 39 churches on the Far Right Oklahoma District
5. 4 of the 22 churches I’ve pastored
6. Our glorious denomination and all of its wonderful traditions
7. Sinners to look down upon
8. Other “Christian” traditions to look down upon
9. Our wonderful Republican leadership, both here in Oklahoma and in Washington
10. The United States of ‘Merca
11. That Christmas continues its inexorable march towards devouring pagan holidays like Halloween
12. Financial Prosperity
13. Rigid Moralism
14. Heroes of our Nasterine heritage, such as Philemon F. Brassiere, P.B.J. Chapstick, Chuckie P. Journeyman, and Cousin Buck Robertlewisstevenson
15. The Prayer of Jabez
16. The Lawrence Welk Show
17. The Gaither Family
18. The Speers Family
19. Fox News
20. President Trump
21. Ronald Reagan
22. “Trickle Down” economics
23. Bureaucracy
24. Those in the world still unafraid to speak the truth over and against the Liberal Agenda
25. Jesus

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving and a bruised and bloodied Black Friday,

Rock Doc T