(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle,
Jr.
District Superintendent
Far Right Oklahoma District
Church of the Nasterine
"Panhandling our hardest for
Christ."
I’ve never in my life
been so moved by tragedies surrounding us; so much suffering and uncertainty
about tomorrow really puts things in perspective. But, I’m confident we can persevere.
I believe that even though this tragedy has taken place, we will rise from the
ashes, as a region, stronger and better. I believe that even though 70% of our
churches were short on district budget giving, next quarter giving will be up
with a vengeance.
But, enough about our
woes. Let’s look at some of the wonderful things happening around the district
this month!
September 3rd—Our Balko church
is under new leadership with newly installed minister Joey Estain who started
last Sunday. Joey has high hopes for the future of Balko Church of the
Nasterine, planning to triple their membership within the next six months! My
prayers are with Joey that he finds 10 people in Balko that don’t already
attend one of their twelve other churches.
Joey is planning on raising funds for the relief effort in Houston, so
if you would like to contribute, please feel free to send checks made out to
him personally, and he’ll be happy to make sure those funds wind up where they’re
most needed. He would also like to remind the community that the church’s doors
are currently closed to refugees from the storms, but he’d be happy to open
them up once all the government-run shelters between Balko, OK and Houston, TX
are full.
September 10th—Floris Church of
the Nasterine is having a back to school blessing/book burning this coming
Sunday. Come and say a prayer with us as we ask for God’s blessing on this
coming school year, and come burn all sorts of questionable reading materials.
The list of sinful books slated for burning this coming Sunday includes Charles
Darwin’s On the Origins of Species
and Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time, as well as
literary “classics” such as Anna Karenina,
1984, A Tale of Two Cities, and Hop
on Pop.
September 13th—Texhoma Church of
the Nasterine will be having a poetry reading in lieu of regular Wednesday
services, because apparently Gay Deathrage won’t stop until churches on our
district look like Europeans and New Yorkers instead of honest, God-fearing
Okies. Attend such events at the risk of your own salvation, folks.
September 23rd—Ricky Joe and
Billy Jack Gopherwood, brother carpenters who attend our Strong City Church of
the Nasterine, are currently in the process of building a replica of Noah’s
Ark. This replica is not meant as a tourist attraction: the brothers just
decided that they’ve got a lot of free time on their hands and, given all the
flooding happening lately, thought that an ark might be something handy to have
lying around. Strong City Church is having a volunteer work day involving the
project on Sept. 23rd, and they have guaranteed anyone who donates
time, resources, or funds to the project a spot on the ark should the flood
waters come to their area.
Hope to see you soon,
my faithful Nasterines! Keep working hard on being holy, because God is
watching you even closer than Big Brother.
Skip Sunday services at
your own peril,
Rock Doc T
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