Living in a Powderkeg and Giving Off Sparks

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

Assuming the eclipse hasn’t taken you away, I’d like to share this song with you by the wonderful and unique Peculiar Pete about the rapture:

Total Rapture of the Saved (to the tune of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”)

(Rapture Now) Every now and then I get a little bit holy

And you're never coming 'round

(Rapture Now) Every now and then I get a little bit tired

Of listening to the sound of sinners

(Rapture Now) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous

That the best of history has gone by

(Rapture Now) Every now and then I get a little bit bored of life

And then I wish the world will just end

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

(Rapture Now) Every now and then I see signs of the end

And I dream of something wild

(Rapture Now) Russian troops in movement

and North Korea building those bombs fulfilling countless prophecies

(Rapture Now) Your sons and daughters prophecy

And all your old men they dream dreams

(Rapture Now) The sun it turns to darkness

and the day of the Lord’s comin’ soon

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

And I need heaven tonight

And I need it more than ever

And the beast is warrin’ tonight

And the saints they sing “Hosanna!”

And we’ve interpreted all the signs

(But there’s room for math-matic errors)

We condemn the sinners who are going to hell

(It might seem cruel, but God knows we mean well)

Horsemen running wild, the sky is going dark

The apocalypse’s bite is so much worse than its bark!

And I need heaven tonight

Forever's going to start tonight

Forever's going to start tonight

Once upon a time I was hopelessly lost

The narrow path, it’s never been paved—

Tribulation, but

Total rapture of the saved

Once upon a time I cared for the world

But now there’s nothing here that I crave

War of the Beast, but

Total rapture of the saved

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

(Rapture Now, Jesus!) Every night I pray for the end

And I need heaven tonight

And I need it more than ever

And the beast is warrin’ tonight

And the saints they sing “Hosanna!”

And we’ve interpreted all the signs

(But there’s room for math-matic errors)

We condemn the sinners who are going to hell

(It might seem cruel, but God knows we mean well)

Horsemen running wild, the sky is going dark

The apocalypse’s bite is so much worse than its bark!

And I need heaven tonight

Forever's going to start tonight

Forever's going to start tonight

Once upon a time I was hopelessly lost

The narrow path, it’s never been paved—

Tribulation, but

Total rapture of the saved

Once upon a time I cared for the world

But now there’s nothing here that I crave

War of the Beast, but

Total rapture of the saved

(Rapture Now, Jesus! Rapture Now, Jesus! Rapture now!)

I’m sure that when we’ve figured out the actual, true rapture math, we’ll be able to dust off this little ditty again (and again, and again…)

Neither hot nor cold,

Rock Doc T