MAMMON: or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Ba'al

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

There’s lots of talk about money flying around these days as President Trump and our fantastic state legislators both work on the process of finalizing budgets for the upcoming year, and while I’m proud of the good work that we’re doing on both the local and national level to decimate funding for liberal projects like schools and roads and protect the marginalized, like poor, defenseless multi-national conglomerates, I still can’t help but worry that it’s not enough. What if the excessively wealthy can’t save us, even if we give then an exceedingly disproportionate share of the resources?

If you’ve had similar worries, I’m pleased to announce a highly-anticipated new book by recent up and coming author Creflo B. Gimme, MAMMON, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ba’al:

  

In this exciting volume, Gimme is a wellspring of knowledge on how you can feel justified in thinking that the government is cheating the rich out of taxes to care for those moochers who don’t have the decency to be born privileged, with such chapters as:

Chapter 4: Trickle-Down Economics: It Just Works

Chapter 7: The Economy of Heaven: Why Giving to the Poor is About Personal Holiness, Not Societal Necessity

Chapter 10: Too Big to Fail: Why the Rich Need Your Money More Than You

Chapter 11: Moral Bankruptcy: Why You Should Send Me a Check for $1,000

Chapter 18: Silver Spoons Still Have to Be Polished: Why Privilege is Really Not That Big a Deal

Chapter 23: Fighting Logic with Distractions & Cruelty: How to Make Arguments Ad Hominem

I especially appreciated his advice in Chapter 23 about deflecting any concerns about the current administration by complaining loudly about Obama and the Clintons until the other person gives up and leaves. I can highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to pick fights with liberals, feel better about replacing that 2015 F-750 truck with the new 2018 F-950, or better understand true religion when it comes to economics. No one can tell you that taxes on the rich help the poor, Jesus condemned material wealth, or welfare and Obamacare help people ever again!

Benghazi Emails,

Rock Doc T