Brother Duck's Nasterine Nursery Rhymes

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

I'm back from my extended vacation, which you folks on the District were so generous to fund without your knowledge! I’ve told you before, boys and girls, that we have talent in spades here on the Far Right Oklahoma District, and I’ve proven it with the musical stylings of Peter “Peculiar Pete” Wallinkowskowitz. I suppose you’ll have to take my word on it, but I also proved I have quite the editorial talent by not subjecting you Sister Deathrage’s “poetry” (I showed it to my cousin Bowie once, and he described it as “almost as terrible as Vogon poetry,” whatever that means). But, we do have a poet on the district doing incredible work: Harold Quincy Duck. In fact, our district is proud to be financing (in partnership with The Nasty Pub and NSN [The Nasterine Shopping Network]) a collection of Harold’s poems: Brother Duck’s Nasterine Nursery Rhymes!

Here’s a little sample of the fine quality work he’s producing to the delight of little Nasterine boys and girls everywhere:

S-H-A-M-E (To the tune of “B-I-N-G-O”)

There is a thing good kids should feel

When they are being sinful

S-H-A-M-E!

S-H-A-M-E!

S-H-A-M-E!

We say shame on the sinful!

There is a thing good kids should feel

When they are being sinful

*Finger wag*-H-A-M-E!

*Finger wag*-H-A-M-E!

*Finger wag*-H-A-M-E!

We say shame on the sinful!

And so on…

Little Nasterine (To The Tune of “Hush, Little Baby)

Little Nasterine, now don’t you fret,

Mama’s gonna get you a Prosperity Jet.

And if that jet suddenly goes bust, 

Mama’s gonna buy you a big tour bus.

And if those tour dates don’t sell out,

Mama’ll buy a megachurch where you can shout.

And if that Megachurch don’t grow,

Mama’ll find chumps to give you dough.

And if the people don’t donate,

Mama’s gonna get you a monogrammed gate.

And if that gate gets repossessed,

Mama’s gonna make sure that you’re well dressed.

And if they don’t respond to your look,

Mama’s gonna write a motivational book.

And if that book just doesn’t sell,

Mama’ll be convinced the world’s gone to Hell. 

Little Nasterine, now don’t you cry,

Name and claim your blessings and so will I.

I’m a Fundamentalist (To the Tune of “I’m a Little Teapot”)

I’m a Fundamentalist, 

Yes I know,

The Bible is true 

‘Cause it tells me so. 

When I talk theology 

Hear me shout:

“SCRIPTURE’S ALL LITERAL;

THERE’S NO DOUBT!”

Brother Duck is really doing something special for our children, and I am so proud of this book! Order now while supplies last. I’ve order ten copies: one for each of my children and two for every sinner I know.



Wishing upon a star,


Rock Doc T