Narcissitaville

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

Rock Doc T here with another Peculiar Pete classic that’s been stuck in my head for weeks now.

“Narcissitaville” (To the tune of “Margaritaville”)

I won the election,

But still I’m detecting

There’s some folks who think that I don’t have a clue.

Ignore ‘em all; build me a wall,

Remind them I’m rubber and they are glue.

Life is so lonely here in Narcissitaville

Searching for my next verbal assault.

Some people claim that I have gone insane,

But I know that it’s Obama’s fault.

Tweetin’ at sunrise,

Oh what a surprise—

The liberal media’s spreading fake news.

But I’m such a genius,

With such a big…pair of hands,

I’ll fix the whole country and I’ll fix it soon.

Life is so lonely here in Narcissitaville

Searching for my next verbal assault.

Some people claim that I have gone insane,

But I know that it’s Hillary’s fault.

Fighting dictators,

Insulting my haters:

Women, Muslims, Blacks, and Mexicans.

But it’s all a distraction

So I can take action

And lower taxes for all my rich friends.

Life is so lonely here in Narcissitaville

Searching for my next verbal assault.

Some people claim that I have gone insane,

But I know that it can’t be my fault.

Yes, and Some people claim that I have gone insane,

But I know it’s everyone else’s fault.

Some say our beloved President Trump is a Narcissist, but is it really narcissism if you really are just the best at everything?

Wishing you happiness and a small loan of a million dollars,

Rock Doc T

Satan's Second-Favorite Holiday

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

It’s that time of year again, dear readers. A nip is in the air, football dominates our conversations, and the heathens have begun their worship of all things Pumpkin Spice. But, with Fall upon us, that means we are rapidly approaching Satan’s Second-Favorite Holiday: Halloween. (The first, of course, is a tie between Earth Day and all the other liberal agenda-driven environmentalist holidays like it. Trying to slow down The Lord’s destruction of the planet and hurt the marketshare of poor, defenseless, multinational conglomerates is nothing but baseless hedonism.) With that in mind, I’ve decided to send out a special edition of the district calendar to provide you with wholesome alternatives to costumed shenanigans that teach our children begging is appropriate.

October 21^st-November 4^th—Laverne Church of the Nasterine, in an attempt to lure in those sinful Christians who insist on church activities being “enjoyable” and “relevant,” will be hosting a terrifying “Heck” House, full of terrors galore, including what happens to boys and girls who don’t eat their vegetables, boys and girls who kiss before marriage, and adults who vote Democrat (hint: it rhymes with “know to smell…”). Get scared straight in case you’re worried you might commit sins ranging from “mild” to “caliente.”

October 28^th & 29^th—Our Burns Flat Church of the Nasterine is putting on a dramatic interpretation of various Chick Tracts© regarding all the evils of Halloween and the occult, including The Devil’s Night (an informative history lesson on the pagan origins of this shameful holiday) and Dark Dungeons (a scintillating expose on the witchcraft inherit in nerds everywhere)! They will have multiple showings throughout the day on Saturday, and a matinee showing between services on Sunday. If you’re worried that children in your life are headed down the Highway to Hell, make sure they are in attendance!

November 1^st—The Catholic Church, in a brazen overreach of Southern Hospitality, continues to insist on extending the title of saint beyond their own beloved mommas. While Halloween is an evil pagan holiday, November 1^st is All Saints’ Day, an evil “Christian” holiday. As such, pastor Monte Diamondback will be hosting a prayer vigil at Lookout Church of the Nasterine to offer up prayers of intercession for poor, misguided Catholics in the hopes that the Lord might allow us to help save their souls.

November 2^nd-November 5^th—Surely none of you God-fearing Nasterines have Halloween decorations, but it is a big industry, and we’d like to put a stop to it. That’s why our Tyrone Church of the Nasterine will be hosting a program staring November 2^nd to trade in those witches, ghouls, vampires, and zombies, for good, wholesome artifacts to enrich your spiritual life. Among the items being offered will be Bibles, crosses wrapped in American flags, handguns, ammunition, and “Make American Great Again” bumper stickers. You ought to be holier, and we’d like to help.

I’m so proud to be in charge of a district that focuses on the important things in life. You folks are just the best, so long as you remain perfectly pure, holy, and stale.

Vampires suck,

Rock Doc T