Books Too Trashy Even For Mardel

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

Many of you have asked me about the sorts of letters that my father, Tuttle Sr., would write, and I haven’t posted any of them yet, because they’re a lot like him: mostly worthless trash. But, since so many of you are asking that I show you instead of you just innately trusting my opinion (which you really should), I’ll show you what I mean:

NEW FOR 1991! From your Nasterine Publishing House! Because we know what Christian women really want…introducing:

“Heavenly Dove”

Christian Romance Novel Series

Feel the passion! Experience the joy! Cry the tears! Sigh with envy! As you read of beautiful romances from a Christian perspective. From the best-selling Christian women authors, escape from the pressures of church work and home life into a world of Spirit-filled romance. Collect all 7,678 books in the series! Read them and trade them with other women in your church.

     Enroll TODAY in the HEAVENLY DOVE Christian Romance Novel Club, because if you’re going to read junk, at least make it CHRISTIAN junk!

     Order now, and you will receive the first three HEAVENLY DOVE Christian Romance Novels.

No flame burns hotter than a love too long denied…

“His name was Jesse. Tall and dark, with eyes the most startling shade of blue, he was the best (single) pastor their church had ever had. Young, lovely Courtney put her faith in him…little dreaming of the secret passion that burned in Jesse’s soul…little imagining the fires that would ignite during the long Board Meetings, driving them together in an ecstatic frenzy that only passion understood…and the General and Special Rules could tame!”

From the pen of Danielle Steelheart, comes the church romance: “THE PASSIONATE PREACHER.”

 

“She was a young, beautiful, alone woman… A

Nasterine primary Sunday School teacher with so much more to give…He was a dark, fatally handsome Born-Again Believer who desired her…but he was a CHARISMATIC! Yet, she couldn’t help herself! She felt strangely drawn to this mysterious tongue-speaker…Could their love overcome the binding chains of church doctrine so that their love could fly free and full? Or will the little old ladies of the church smother their passion with rumors and gossip?” BARBARA COURTLAND presents: “THE FLAMING TONGUE!”

     Herald of Howliness magazine says: “The Flaming Tongue is an enthralling book, with a love story feisty and romantic as a Tracy/Hepburn movie film!”

“With the blazing fury of a true Wesleyan, Christine Montegomery bravely defies the church feud by falling in love with Brett Heartstrong…Though the Montegomerys & the Heartstrongs have been rivals for power in the church for years, Christine battles schemes of greed and intrigue, the bold beauty resists the pressures of family, to win the heart of the dashing, manly-chested Brett. Will their love cause the church split the pastor has been holding off for years? Jane Deveraux will enthrall you with, “THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEMPTRESS.”

     Those Other Sheep magazine says, “Finally, a book that admits the sanctified are also passionate!”

Hopefully that satiates your curiosity and does absolutely nothing to titillate your senses,

Rock Doc T

Move Over, Tinder! There's a New App in Town

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

Our great church has just wrapped its quadrennial Great Convention, and it looks like we’re moving towards the future, whether we like it or not: we’ve changed our statement on human sexuality, elected new GS that are not old, white men, and the old folks are nervous. Sounds like progress to me. So, in the spirit of progress, I want to share with you the brand new dating app (which I have recently been informed is short for “application” and not “appetizer”) that was being “beta-tested” (I’m not sure what fish have to do with it, but maybe one of you youngsters know what that means) last week during the Great Convention:

Do you want to make a change in the way you look for a lifelong partner, but you’re just not sure where to start? We understand your concerns: the dating world is a dangerous and scary place, and you want to make sure you find the person Jesus wants you to be with. That’s why we’re proud to introduce NastiHearts, the dating app exclusively for Nasterines!

Available for download through Nasterine Publishing House, NastiHearts is 83% guaranteed* to find you a partner of the opposite gender who will also be a Nasterine. Just answer our exhaustive questionnaire with over 650 questions, including questions such as:

What are your political affiliations?

Are you now or have you ever felt called to be a pastor and/or missionary?

Do you believe in complete and total biblical inerrancy?

What’s your favorite Bible translation?

How many dates should you go on with another adult before you don’t need a chaperone?

How do you interpret the use of John Wesley’s quadrilateral in how we make day to day moral decisions?

After gathering that information (and delivering it to a database at Nasterine Headquarters), NastiHearts will search our entire global database of users and rank them in order for you based on level of connectivity. After all, is it really true love if you aren’t willing to move to Mozambique or Bulgaria to find that perfect someone?

*guarantee not guaranteed.

I find technology frightening and bothersome, but surely some of you younger folks will have quite the hootenanny using this “app” at various shindigs. This sort of thing wasn’t around when I found Truella, but I suppose it will be helpful for the 10% or so of you who escape from one of our various Higher Learning institutions without already being married.

Leave room for Jesus,

Rock Doc T