Are There No Prisons?

(Honorary) Dr. John F. Tuttle, Jr.

District Superintendent

Far Right Oklahoma District

Church of the Nasterine

"Panhandling our hardest for Christ."

Fighting through the Annual Spring Freeze here in Oklahoma it’s Rock Doc T, here to take you to school! Speaking of schools, our Sunday School teachers for nursery through high school age groups here on The Far Right District have staged a walkout in hopes of getting fresher stale donuts and newer old coffee in rumpus rooms across the region, but luckily so far our Church Boards have done an excellent job of stalling them by calling meetings to session with prayer, a reading of the minutes, and then promptly adjourning after refusing to hear any new business, calling protesting teachers “sinners in the hands of an angry God” (well, disappointed God: the God of the Nasterines would never do anything as unseemly as express an emotion like anger).

Speaking of staunch refusal to bend to progress, listen to reasonable demands, and petty name-calling, I’m counting the days with increasing sadness before I have to worry about whatever sorry administration attempts to fill Mary Fallin’s magnificent shoes. With her sure-handed guidance at the helm for another few years we would have all been living in mansions (or private prisons)! But, even though she’ll be moving on, Governor Fallin’s immortal wisdom lives on in her newly announced book—Are There No Prisons? How to Trickle Your Pockets Full of Sweet, Sweet Oil Money!

In this delightful defense of conservative economics, Mary gives you all her signature tools of the trade for creating a booming recession economy, as well as some new ideas, including building a golden idol of herself as part of her capital building beautification initiative, mocking key demographics that have majority public support, and all sorts of other stellar ideas to give our state the face lift it so desperately needs. Paid for by The Foundation for Modest Proposals in Times of Economic Distress (when times get tough, why not consider eating the poor?), this book was originally going to include a forward by several of our state’s top-notch legislators, but apparently they did nothing during the six-week deadline Mary gave them, asked for a larger fee and were granted an extension, did nothing during their new eight-week deadline, and then after failing to produce any writing whatsoever, congratulated themselves by doubling their going fees.

Decrease the Surplus Population,

Rock Doc T